I know I haven’t posted in a very long time, but I do read everyone’s blog and comment here and there. I guess I don’t feel like I am a very good writer. When the moment strikes, I say to myself, “I need to blog this”, then by the time I get to the blog to write, it has kind of left me, so I don’t post anything.
I want to really thank everyone in this community because you have been life savers for me at times. I would read and re-read your blogs and they were so comforting to me to know I was going through what you were going through. And to see the ones that have been able to successfully move on was very comforting.
Today, it’s been 2 years since my husband moved out of my bedroom and into the spare bedroom. Can you believe it? 2 YEARS !!! It’s been 2 years since I made love to my husband, which we were doing almost every day in May 2012. And, it was 2 years ago today, that I filed for divorce siting the cause, Adultery. And it was 2 years ago, when I sat there and watched my husband coming out of a cheap motel with his secretary on a Saturday morning!
It’s been a long journey and my journey still continues. He moved out in March 2013 to go live with his secretary. August 2013, my divorce was final. I feel pretty good about the divorce settlement; I got alimony and I got some money to go towards attorney fees of $40,000. The secretary whore continues to live with her public-elected official boss in a rental house. I still feel that it is SOOOO WRONG that a county official can live with his secretary since he is the one who pays her and gives her her reviews. I just don’t understand how the County doesn’t see that as a “Conflict of Interest”. I wouldn’t think she would have to work very hard; yet continue to earn that big salary being his Executive Assistant. But, I can no longer let his life dictate mine. That’s it in a netshell. In the last 2 years, I have turned to God and my faith has strengthened me. I just love that. And, maybe, all this was meant to be to bring me closer to God (since I found out that my husband did not believe in God, which he lied to me about when we got married). He lied to me on our second date when I asked him if he had ever cheated on any of his other wives. I found out later that he had cheated on wife #2 and not sure about wife #3, who he always said was crazy.
I now have the marital residence up for sale. As part of the divorce, I was given the house, but I have to get the ex-husband’s name off the mortgage or sell the house within 9 months of the divorce. The house is like 5000 square feet. We bought it so he could entertain all his friends, who were Judges and Lawyers and now I am stuck with getting it sold.
I am building a new house; a ranch with a bonus room. It’s modest, but absolutely perfect for me. But, I have to sell this house to get my equity before I can buy my new house. That is giving me a lot of anxiety, but I try to leave it to God to care of. It’s funny how I never really had anxiety before all this started. Now, it is a part of my daily life. I am getting older, so maybe that has something to do with it too. But, I manage by praying and a Xanax every once in a while (smile).
I am also one of the Facilitators at my church for DivorceCare. It’s a 13 week program to help people who are going through divorce or contemplating it. You can get more information on this program by going to http://www.DivorceCare.org. Put in your zip code and it will tell you where your groups meet. I have met some really wonderful people in DivorceCare. I’ve actually been through it 3 times.
I read a lot; I think to try to put some resolution in my mind as to what happened. It’s mind boggling to me that a man could be so deceptive, so mean, and fucked me over so well. I was so fooled because he was a Judge when I met him, so I just believed everything he said. I am so disappointed that it was my 2nd marriage and it failed miserably. I wanted to try and make it work, but by the time I found out my marriage was in trouble, he had already moved on. So, I still struggle with all of that.
But, for the most part, I truly believe that things work out for the best. Why would I have wanted to waste more time on someone who doesn’t believe in God, lies, cheats, etc? So, I think once I sell this house and get into “MY” cute house, I will think about all of this less and less.
In the meantime, some days, I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and others feel pretty normal. I never wanted to be divorced, but I had no choice. And since then, I have learned so much: (1) about having good relationships, (2) a lot of mistakes I made, (3) my spiritual growth is amazing.
Since 2 years ago when he moved out of the bedroom, we have never spoken to one another. He never repented, never said he was sorry … NOTHING. And even now, I only get letters from his attorney if he wants something. I’ll close for now but I think what I struggle with the most is that “forgiveness” thing. I just can’t seem to get there. And, that fine line between vengeance and justice is still looming …
Thanks again for all you being there. – Joan