When you get divorced in my State, you sign a “mutual restraining order” when you file for divorce. That restraining order is supposed to keep husband and wife, soon to be X, in line, so that no harm is done to either party during the course of the divorce.
Ummm… no harm done. Harm has already been done when the divorce papers were filed and my husband had been out fucking around, then lying to my face that he wasn’t for almost a year.
It says, “Restraining each party from maltreating, vilifying, intimidating, molesting, or harassing the other party.
May 2012, I hired a PI who has my husband on video coming out of the motel on a Saturday morning with the whore secretary “arm in arm” while DH (husband) says he was sleeping at his daughter’s home. Given that I was so hurt, that in September 2011, I put the video on YouTube (yes, it’s still there and it’s not going anywhere).
In December 2012, I wrote a customary Christmas letter to my friends to tell them what an eventful year this had been. My husband got a new job with the county supervising 105 people (including his whore secretary) and that, “oh, BTW”, my husband is having an affair with the secretary (left out the whore part) and we were pending divorce. Thought that was applicable for a Christmas letter.
December 21, 2012, I get a letter from my attorney: CONTEMPT OF COURT has been filed AGAINST you for your Christmas letter !!! OK. So, now, it’s June 2013 and I get to go to court to because I put the video on YouTube AND I wrote a Christmas letter.
I admit, I was feeling a little scared this morning, but there’s nothing like a little Xanax to take that edge off. I met my attorney at the courthouse an hour early so we can go over the testimony. My attorney was confident that: (1) I have only taken what my husband has done and shared it with others, (2) I have in no way threatened him to DO anything to him, (3) I only commented on what he has done and is doing, (4) I was REPORTING on what he does openly and continues to do, (5) I never lied, (6) have I lost my right to free speech?
9:00am: Ready to head to Courtroom 1A (didn’t get a glimpse of the whore secretary). They brought in a Senior Judge because no Judge in our county would listen to our case. We get settled in our chairs and DH’s attorney, Mr. Menopause (see my Characters to find out more about him), asked the Judge if he can speak with my attorney. They leave and then in 5 minutes, my attorney sticks his head in and motions for me to come out of the courtroom.
What happens next is unbelievable to me. My attorney tells me that they want to drop all contempt charges and just forget about all of it and go home. Except, by the way, I need to take the video off the internet.
You would think I would be happy, but what I felt was anger, disappointment. I was pissed. I spent all this time getting ready for court (I’ve NEVER testified for anything before in my life and I am 57 years old). They are the ones who filed and now they want to drop it!!! How dare they? This was my chance to tell the Judge what an ass my husband was.
As far as taking the video off the internet of DH coming out of the motel with his whore secretary, NO WAY, NO FUCKING WAY, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
Well, that was my day in court at least for now. Disappointed, again, my husband gets off free and clear, no harm done. And for me, I’m sure another 100 gray hairs, frazzled nerves, and yet another day where I feel like I am in some other universe, not accomplishing anything worthwhile on this earth.
I spoke to my attorney for about 30 minutes afterwards and clearly he doesn’t understand. Who does understand what all this betrayal feels like? I know some of you do. My attorney then texted me, “I know you want the world to know what DH did. You do know that if we don’t settle in mediation, we can have a jury trial”.
I can’t quite put it into words, but my attorney doesn’t get it. I’m not sure I want the world to know how bad DH behaved…. maybe what I really want is for DH to believe how badly he behaved. That some reality of his would come about. I used to think he was such a wonderful, loving person. And now, I am a shell of a person and he gets to move on un-scarred. Maybe, that’s it. I don’t’ think many people understand what this kind of betrayal can do to a person’s soul. It haunts you. You never know when it’s going to hit. And, I still can’t get HOW someone like DH could be so selfish to do this to me. It’s not only what he did (the affair), it’s how he treated me so mean for 10 months while he was having an affair and how I was in such pain trying to make this man happy. How do you or can you make yourself whole again after this.
I blame myself for being so stupid not to see it and to have taken better care of me — how dare I let a man do such controlling… That’s another thing, I just want to SQUELCH him because of all that controlling he did to me. I am not a damn doormat anymore. And, that’s why that video is going to stay on YouTube forever.
I would certainly appreciate any comments on how you go from feeling like a shell to a real, whole person who can again conquer the world alone …. thanks for listening…
Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. Isaac Asimov